I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Life is so much better after having sex.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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