Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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