im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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