she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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