i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
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Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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