Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize