well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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