i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
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I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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