so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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