when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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