I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Farmville is her only friend.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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