when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
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Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
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What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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