I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
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On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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