What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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