He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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