im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
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ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
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Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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