Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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