FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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