I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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