I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
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You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
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the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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