You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize