So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
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I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
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I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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