i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize