God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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