Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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