Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
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I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
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I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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