covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
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this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
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i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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