Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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