it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
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The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
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The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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