Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
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I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
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Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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