That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
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That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
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I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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