So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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