The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
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Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
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That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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