I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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