i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize