I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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