If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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