shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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