got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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