I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
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Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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