So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
if only i could text you this smell
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
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He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
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Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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