You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize