i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
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you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
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You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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