i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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