We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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