Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
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The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
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Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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