just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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