I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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