Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
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Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
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Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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