mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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